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Helping your child master these simple rules of etiquette will get him noticed — for all the right reasons.
By David Lowry, Ph.D.

Your child’s rude ‘tude isn’t always intentional. Sometimes kids just don’t realize it’s impolite to interrupt, pick their nose, or loudly observe that the lady walking in front of them has a large behind. And in the hustle and bustle of daily life, busy moms and dads don’t always have the time to focus on etiquette. But if you reinforce these 25 must-do manners, you’ll raise a polite, kind, well-liked child.-

Manner #1

When asking for something, say “Please.”

Manner #2

When receiving something, say “Thank you.”

Related: Kid-Made Thank You Notes

Manner #3

Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

Manner #4

If you do need to get somebody’s attention right away, the phrase “excuse me” is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.

Manner #5

When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

Manner #6

The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

Manner #7

Do not comment on other people’s physical characteristics unless, of course, it’s to compliment them, which is always welcome.

Related: Raise Polite Kids

Manner #8

When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.

Manner #9

When you have spent time at your friend’s house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.

Manner #10

Knock on closed doors — and wait to see if there’s a response — before entering.

Manner #11

When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.

Manner #12

Be appreciative and say “thank you” for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.

Related: Print and Color Cards for Birthdays, Thank-Yous and More!

Manner #13

Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

Manner #14

Don’t call people mean names.

Manner #15

Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.

Related: Raise a Compassionate Kid

Manner #16

Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Manner #17

If you bump into somebody, immediately say “Excuse me.”

Related: Quiz: What’s Your Parenting Style?

Manner #18

Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don’t pick your nose in public.

Related: How to Handle Inappropriate Behavior

Manner #19

As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

Manner #20

If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say “yes,” do so — you may learn something new.

Manner #21

When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

Related: Use this Table-Setting Map as a Guide

Manner #22

When someone helps you, say “thank you.” That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!

Manner #23

Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.

Related: Mrs. McVeigh Weighs in on Proper Utensil Use and More!

Manner #24

Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

Manner #25

Don’t reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

So I’ve had an irrationally angry, soon to be teen lately. Today he got REALLY angry at the other siblings over the fact that a certain shirt was not his. I asked him if he would get mad if someone told him he was a green alien from outer space…

He said “No” with a laugh. I explained that if someone is accusing you of something that is completely untrue then then is no need to get really angry, right? We also discussed that anger is usually a secondary emotion that covers up or protects other feelings of frustration, irritation & etc.

My kid actually admitted that it doesn’t make sense to get really angry when being accused of something that he knows is not correct.  So… I just had to blog about this, so later I can recall that my preteen actually had a moment of clarity. I hope he can use the “green alien” analogy as a reminder not to get so angry over the things that don’t really matter in life.

Till next time,

Mar

Did Freddy Krueger or Edward Cullen visit my home? It sure looks like one of them took a big swipe at my dining room table. Hmmm….. turns out that it was just our 100 lb German Shepherd ENTIRELY on top of my dining room table.

So, spouse & I went out to run errands. When I got home I instantly notice the gouges in our dining room table, which were obvious claw marks.

I asked how this happened & the non-guilty child proceeds to explain that the guilty child put a toy (the dog wanted) on the dining room table & then intentionally told the dog “up” & got our large dog ALL THE WAY on top of our table.

I asked the guilty child about this & he replied (smirk noted on face) that “yah, I did it”.
After this I spent some time in my bedroom to calm down…

Later, I spoke to guilty child about:
(1) Gouges on NEW table which will take A LOT of time to fix.

(2) Disgusting to have a dog where we eat.

(3) Years of training German Shepherd to stay away from the table possibly ruined.

(4) Child knew that this is absolutely NOT allowed & did it anyway.

(5) Biggest issue of all NOT showing respect/consideration for our home.

So, had my kid said … “I’m really sorry”, “I shouldn’t have done that”, “I wasn’t thinking”. I would have probably had him pay for the supplies to repair the damage to the table & would forget about it.

But, much to the years of hard work trying to teach said kid, I got the opposite responses with NO apology & NO signs of remorse at all.

I’m guessing your dying to know what we decided to do about this? Spouse & I decided that due to…. (A) no remorse (B) no apology (C) no respect for the items in our home… that the guilty child was going to loose ALL of his belongings & he is going to have to work to get each one of his things back.

The lovely part about this is that the guilty child got to do all the work of gathering up ALL of his belongings and putting them in my bedroom. He lost all belongings: clothes (socks/underwear too), fun things, mattress & etc.

By bedtime that same night guilty child had done enough chores to earn one outfit & a comforter. And yes, said guilty child had to sleep on his carpeted bedroom floor in the clothes he wore all day with blankets but no pillow.

By the next day guilty child has been expressing a lot of remorse for what he did & has been asking constantly for chores to do to earn his stuff back. Also, he has FINALLY apologized.

Too bad he still has to work to get all of his belongings back AND he’s gonna pay $50.00 in damages too.

I suppose many people would think these consequences would seem harsh but honestly, nothing else seemed to work. As soon as the guilty child lost his belongings (especially his mattress) I could tell that he started to see how much his parents value their belongings as well AND that he should be more considerate of our family belongings.

Your advice/comments are always welcome.
Till next time,

Mar

I’m wondering how most American parents handle the Halloween candy issue? Do they withhold the candy and give a certain amount to their kids? Or, do they let their kids binge till they get sick. Well… here’s how Mar handles this situation.

As a kid my parents controlled the candy & I got a few pieces per day. As I got older I was the ONLY child out of 5 siblings to throw a royal fit and asked to have MY candy. My dad said, “Fine, take it all, eat as much as you want & you’ll get sick.” I took the candy & much to my dad’s satisfaction … I ate candy till I got a huge stomach ache.

Now, my kids get candy and I let em’ have it all. I don’t dole it out to them I just tell em’ that I’m hoping they will use self control. Does this work? Well, that is a matter of debate. Usually my kids eat a ton on Halloween, get a stomach ache & then slow it down. The nice thing is that the candy is usually gone in about two weeks & we don’t have power struggles over “their” candy.

I don’t recommending doing this with small children since they really have no concept of self control. But, as kids get older there should come a time when they learn to control themselves.

Usually every time I go to the grocery store, I see some young adult with their cart full of junk food. I discuss this with my kids and ask them what they think. My kids usually express that people should buy way more healthy food than junk food.

I tell my kids often that I hope they will make healthy choices with eating when they are adults so they can stay healthy and strong. When this time comes I really hope that they will make healthy choices, after all, at that time it will solely be their choice.

Till next time,

Mar

Kids and borrowing things. Ugh… if you have kids around then you know exactly how much of a challenge this can be. Here are the borrowing rules in our house to try to help prevent chaos & WWF brawls.

#1) Don’t use/borrow/take anyone’s belongings unless you ask the owner of that item first.

#2) Commit to when you will return the borrowed item.

#3) If someone is nice enough to loan their things then return that item in BETTER shape than when you got it (if possible). ie: wash it, repair it & etc. (only if you think that person would be happy with what you did to their stuff).

#4) Return the borrowed item sooner than when the owner is expecting it.

#5) Don’t loan out an item that you borrowed. It is not yours to loan unless the owner of that item is aware of this AND has agreed to it.

#6) We have “family” toys that anyone can play with. If you get to it first then it’s yours till your done playing with it.

#7) We have individual toys for each kid. The toy is off limits unless the owner of the toy has loaned it out.

One issue that I think is REALLY important is that kids DO NOT always have to share their special (individual) toys.
Just watch an episode of “Cops” and you’ll get what I mean. People are always taking things that are not theirs from strangers and/or family members and getting arrested for it.

It is really important for a kid/teen to learn before adulthood that others really do not have to share & it is NOT ok to take other people’s things without permission.

All the time my kids say, “Well, they are not using it. I should be able to play with it.” or “they won’t share”.

My response is this. “Ok, so since the neighbors are not driving their really nice car very often, does that mean that it is ok for me to take it without asking?” “Should they HAVE to share it with me?”
Kids: “no that is silly, it’s different. That is a neighbor and it’s not our car.”
Me: “Actually, we are supposed to treat family better than neighbors/friends, so it is more important than ever not to take family members stuff”.

On the flip side, I do tell the kid that won’t share that at some point others will not want to share with them & that they may want to have some bonus points stored up in case they want to borrow something.

I usually don’t  force my kids to share toys. I always encourage kindness and sharing but I don’t force it. This is because someday as an adult they probably wouldn’t go to jail for “not sharing” but they would go jail for taking something with out asking, which in our world is called “stealing” no matter whom you take this from.

Thanks for reading my blog & comments are always appreciated!

Mar

And so, the battle begins! I’ve found this to be quite a passionate subject on both side of the home-schooling/public school debate.

You’re probably asking yourself, “what does Mar know about this”?
I’m glad you asked, I’ll tell you.

All of my kids went (2 are still going) to public school. My spouse & I decided to Homeschool for 7th & 8th grades, then we will most likely put them back in public school to finish high school.

Why homeschool for only 2 years? For us there are 2 major reasons.

#1) We adopted our kids at between the ages of 5 & 7. We want more time with our kids before they are grown & gone. The difficult (beginning) teen years seem to be the best time for this.

#2) I only realized this reason after home-schooling. I found that both of my kids were behind in at least one subject & need A LOT of help to get back to their grade level in that subject.

Public school pros: peer interaction, costs WAY less than homeschooling, less parent time spent

Public school negatives: peer interaction (mean kids), less 1:1 with your kid, kids are left behind in subjects (“no child left behind” seems like crap to me) teachers are over worked & under paid, my kids are in classes that have around 30 kids per class.

Home-schooling pros: no child is left behind in subjects, kids can go at their own pace, less wasted time, kids can pick field trips
Home-schooling negatives: less peer interaction, cost, takes tons & tons of parent time.

Biggest myth that irritates Mar: home-schooled kids don’t learn to be as social.
Reality: home-schooled kids are generally more social because they don’t have to endure daily taunts from kids at school.

What choice is better?…. There is really no clear answer. It really depends on each individual kid.

Consider Home-schooling your kid if….they are being left behind or they are being treated as a social outcast. However, don’t home-school your kid unless an adult you trust can dedicate endless hours & you have the $$$ to do this.

If you choose to home-school your kid.
#1) DO NOT just yank them out of public school (if it can be helped). It takes many hours and months to build a full curriculum.
#2) Make sure that you have at least 6 hours a day dedicated to home-schooling.
#3) Be sure that you have the $$ to home-school.
#4) DON’T let your kid be alone for too long, even if they are done with their school work…and… no matter what age of kid, don’t leave them alone for hours each day, cuz’ eventually they will get into LOTS of trouble.

As a final note, I really respect public school teachers! After home-schooling 2 kids at once I am in awe of how they can teach so many kids & maintain their sanity at the same time.

Till next time,

Mar

So….a royal, massive fit occurred in my house…you may be thinking it was me & that would be kinda funny but, it was one of my kids. You’ll have to read a different blog to find out what small incident sparked the freak out.

After a while of the “fit throwing” my kid stomped up to their bedroom & slammed the bedroom door as hard as they could.

What did mar do? Nothing, for now…… Are you asking yourself why I didn’t run up there & take care of business? Well, if I react when I’m mad & my kid is angry enough to slam a door then the the end result is that we’d probably end up on a t.v. episode of “Cops” & I just don’t wanna go there.

I ask myself, “What would other parents do in this situation?” Would they ignore it? Would they go beat their kid? Would they yell/lecture? Or ground the kid to their room?

I think that it is really important to “let the punishment fit the crime”.

So when my kid is calm, has dealt with other consequences of what they previously did wrong, I’m going to deal with the door slamming incident.

I bet by now you’re dying to know how I would handle this. I am going to have a (short) discussion with my kid about why it is not appropriate to slam doors. I’m going to have THE KID list why it is bad to slam a door.

My kid is going to have to list the following reasons (I will help them out at the end if they forgot something). I just sit and look at my kid till they give ME the list, which would go something like this:….. if someone’s finger/hand is in the way there could be a really bad injury, door could break, it is a sign of defiance, rudeness & disrespect to the parents.

Next I inform my kid they are going to wash every single door & door knob (both sides) in our house. that means sliding, patio, bedrooms, bathrooms closets, garage, front & back doors as well.
I explain that washing doors may help them remember not to do this again & they need to show that they can take care of the doors. Also, they are reminded that if they break a door they are going to have to work, save money & buy a new door.

This is usually the consequence in my house so door slamming is a rare occurrence. I think that my kid slammed the door because they thought I was outside & could not hear it.

If you have any comments or better ideas then I would love to hear them!

Till next time,

Mar

Ok, so here is what I posted on Facebook. I try my best at being a REALLY good parent but, Alas, somedays… I.. just…. don’t… make… it.

“I feel like I am a pretty calm & patient parent….However, when I find that my kids have wiped boogers on the walls, I have to try VERY hard not to become a demon from Hell. Totally disgusting!! Said child is currently washing walls! I need to go put my self in “Time out” ASAP!”

Here’s to better days.

Mar

My sister and nieces stayed with our family for a month. My sister calls to her child….no response…..(sister) looks down from the balcony into the living room below & sees her 5 y.o. lounging on the couch. It was obvious that my sister had just been ignored, which she also realized & got mad at her kid.

I gotta tell you. It took a lot of inner strength for me not to say anything & I just barely made it! Later in the day, I told my sister this. My sister’s reply? She said, “If you could tell me how to get my daughter to listen to me I would love suggestions”. I was thinking….”Wahoo, I get to give my bossy opinion!”

Just to let you know, I have a Bachelor’s degree in Social work, which helps. But really, I learned a ton by: raising kids, taking parenting classes, and reading A LOT on child parenting/discipline.

So, my technique is this.

First ** When in the house** On occasion I will call my kids (not yelling) to come to where I’m at.  Those who responded got a treat or an extra privilege. Those that did not respond within (about) one minute did not get a treat or extra privilege (the only exception is if they are using the bathroom). I tell the kid that missed out…. Bummer! You missed out, maybe you’ll hear me next time I call. (fyi: my tone of voice is not rude mean or angry. I just sound like I am sad for them)

Second ** When the kids are playing outside.** Our rule is if I call or whistle, you come to where I’m standing. If you cannot hear me…..THEN YOU ARE TOO FAR AWAY.

If I know or even suspect that I am being ignored, then I have a plan. When my kid wants a privilege, I tell them no in a nice way. Here are some examples:

Kid: Can I play at my friends house? Can I play video games? Can I watch t.v.?
Me: You seem to be having trouble hearing me so you better stay close to me today & I don’t want you doing anything that will make it hard for you to hear me.
Kid: But, I really didn’t hear you.
Me: That’s ok. I just want to make sure that you can hear me so, no video games, t.v. or playing with friends for now. But you are more than welcome to read, color, draw or sit by me & play with your toys.
Kid: *Crying* but I reeaally didn’t hear you!
Me: I know, so I’m going to keep you close by with not too much going on so you don’t have a problem with that. (This is where you take away your kids chance to argue because you are agreeing with them that they didn’t hear you).

So, it is pretty rare for one of my kids to say, “But, I didn’t hear you”. Also, when I step out side & to call or whistle for them. They usually run to me. I have to laugh cuz’ the neighbor kids will say, “Hurry, hurry! Your mom is calling for you, go quick or else you won’t be able to play”.

You are probably asking your self…How long do I withhold the fun stuff from them? Well, use your best judgment based on your kids age & personality. When my kids were young I would have them stay by me for about an hour. I would make sure I was doing something that would not interest them.
As for my older kids? If I knew they ignored me…it would be an automatic full day of NO t.v., video games, i-pods, phones, computers or hanging out with friends….. Because this my friends shows a complete defiance & lack of respect.

Till next time,

Mar

Adult to child: Do u want some wa-wa? Is u a good bubbie? Wook at da cute wabbit!
According to a ton of websites & blogs from professionals, speaking “baby talk” to your little ones can delay them in speech development.

If you want to make me cringe, just talk to your 5 year old kid in baby talk. I myself can’t help but coo & talk in “baby talk” to babies. But as I’m sure you are aware, as soon as a child is born their brains are like little sponges & they are already absorbing information & learning.

Also, talking “baby talk” to a kid can be looked at as though you are talking “down” to that child, as if it is implied the child is not smart enough to understand normal speech.

I adopted my 4 kids from foster care. My kids were all over the age of 5 when I got them. 3 out of the 4 needed speech therapy for at least two years. The speech therapists would remind me to talk clearly to my kid & for me to remind my kid to speak clearly.

This website http://liberatedmind.com/2010/05/baby-talk/
states, “Recent studies by Dutch researcher Lotte Henrichs suggests that speaking academically with your child instead of simplifying your speech patterns actually helps a child do better in school later in life.”

Have you ever heard a much older kid, teen or adult talking “baby talk”? It is a trip! The sad part is that these people may be looked at as less intelligent & I am betting that those people are smart but they just did not learn proper speech patterns.

When growing up, I don’t EVER remember my Parents talking “baby talk” to a kid over the age of 1. As a small child my parents would talk to myself & my siblings as though we were adults. I also remember that my parents got tons of people commenting on our amazing vocabulary and clear speech.

My mom’s college education is in child development & nutrition. As soon as her babies could make sounds she would make sounds to us to help with our speech. Such as “ra ra ra” to help pronounce the R sound (in preparation for when we would learn to speak) and so on throughout the alphabet.

I hope wu have wearned a wot!

Till next time,

Mar

Here are some websites on this subject.

http://socyberty.com/languages/dangerous-baby-talk/

http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1O999-babytalk.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/child-myths/200909/more-talking-about-baby-talk